Exercising Parental Authority

Good citizenship begins at home.  Parents and guardians bear the primary responsibility for the actions of their children. They must set good examples for their children at home and in their community, teach morals and values, provide a safe home environment, make sure that their children get a good education, direct their children into constructive activities, be involved in their children's activities, make their children responsible and accountable for their actions, etc.

Many good ideas for parenting and activities for children are contained in the San Diego Family and San Diego Parent magazines, which are published monthly and available free at many libraries, grocery and toy stores, schools, and other family-oriented establishments.  They also contain calendars of family and children's events in San Diego County, many of which are free.

Another resource for parents is the San Diego Community College's continuing education program.  It offers a variety of free classes at Centers throughout the City on child development, family relations, and many other topics. Call the San Diego Community College at (619) 388-4950 for information on parenting classes.

Parents can get answers to many legal questions concerning their children from a booklet published by the State Bar of California entitled Kids and the Law: An A-to-Z Guide for Parents.  This booklet, revised in May 2007, deals with a range of subjects from the “Age of Majority” to “Work Permits and Taxes” with references to the relevant code sections.  It also contains a glossary of legal terms.  It is not, however, intended to substitute for the advice of an attorney.  Also, it may not provide the latest code references.  The text is available in English and Spanish on the State Bar’s website at www.calbar.ca.gov.  Copies in English, Spanish, or Chinese can be ordered by emailing the State Bar at kids@calbar.ca.gov or calling (888) 875-5297.

When a child becomes 18, he or she acquires a new set of legal rights and responsibilities.  These deal with jury duty, voting, housing, contracts, torts, etc.  They are discussed in question and answer form in a booklet entitled When You Become 18: A Survival Guide for Teenagers. The text of this booklet is available on the State Bar’s website in English, Spanish, Chinese, or Korean.  Copies can be ordered by calling the State Bar or emailing it at 18@calbar.ca.gov.  Parents can use this booklet to help their children make the transition to young adults.  Additional information on resources, insights, and support for those who live and work with teens is available on the Internet at www.parentingteens.com.

Some general parent tips are listed below:

• Make time every day to discuss the day’s events with your children. Encourage them to tell you about anything that makes them uncomfortable, or scares or confuses them. Listen to what they say and never underestimate their fears or concerns. Show them that you are always concerned about them. Effective communication is the most important factor in child safety.
• Have clear family rules. The consequences of breaking them should be clear.
• Be a good role model. Actions speak louder than words. Be the person you want your children to be.
• Discuss the consequences of tobacco, alcohol, drug use, etc. Tobacco is addictive. It yellows teeth, fouls breath, and kills. Drugs, including alcohol, alter judgment and perspective, and interfere with physical, emotional, and social growth. They are also addictive.
• Know what your children are doing. Know what they do in school and after school. Know their friends. Be involved in their lives.
• Educate yourself on the social and emotional needs of your children.
• Be alert for any changes in your child’s behavior. Look and listen for things that indicate something is troubling him or her. Children are often uncomfortable in disclosing disturbing events or feelings because they are concerned about your reactions to their problems. When they do talk about their problems be calm, compassionate, reassuring, and nonjudgmental as you work with them to resolve the problem.
  

The rest of this page discusses how parents and guardians can deal with gangs, drugs, alcohol, and various other problems involving their children.  Notwithstanding parents best efforts, children can be influenced adversely by peer pressures and pick up bad behavior outside the home.  Parents must learn to recognize signs that indicate their child may be involved in gangs, drug and alcohol abuse, graffiti vandalism, and other problems, and deal with them as early as possible.  They must also make sure their children abide by the curfew law, attend school, drive safely, stay away from guns, etc.  Information about various actions parents can take to prevent juvenile delinquency, violence, and victimization, and other related subjects can be obtained by calling the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention of the U.S. Department of Justice at (800) 638-8736.  Parents who cannot deal with their children's behavior on their own can get help from many agencies, several of which are mentioned on this page, and from the Juvenile Services Team at their local SDPD Area Station.  This page also defines some of the liabilities parents and guardians my face if they fail to fulfill their responsibilities.

• Gangs
• Drugs
• Alcohol
• Graffiti Vandalism
• Curfew Violations
• Daytime Loitering and Truancy
• Unsafe Driving
• Gun Violence
• Shoplifting
• Internet and Cell Phone Dangers
• Juvenile Victimization
• Media Violence
• Child Abduction
• Multiple Problems
• Parental Liability
• Restitution

Gangs

Gang activities constitute not only a serious problem in the community but a great danger to your child.  Children who are gang members will become criminals or likely victims of gang violence.  If you see signs that your child is becoming involved with gangs, you need to act immediately to deal with the problem and get help if necessary.

The warning signs of gang involvement include the following: lack of interest in school, fights, changes in hairstyle and dress, changes in friends, tattoos, nicknames, graffiti on clothing and personal items, changes in personality, staying out late at night, hanging out with known gang members and in known gang areas, possession of more money, etc.  Additional information on gang awareness is available at your local SDPD Storefront or Satellite Office.  Presentations to groups of parents can be arranged by calling the SDPD Gang Unit at (619) 531-2847.

Parents whose children show signs of gang involvement or other problems need to take firm control of the situation.  They need to reassert their involvement and control over their children's activities, dress, friends, and finances.  If help is needed, it is available from many community organizations.  Some of those that offer counseling and diversion programs are listed below:

Drugs

Parents can provide the best protection children have against drug abuse.  However, peer pressures and other outside influences can often undermine your best parenting efforts.  Indications that your child may be involved with drugs include the following: a don't-care attitude, resistance to discipline, temper flare-ups, new associations, poor school work, truancy, lack of stamina, isolation, poor personal appearance and hygiene, and need of money or unexplained affluence.  Parents should get a copy of A Parent's Guide to Drug Abuse and Growing Up Drug Free: Parent's Guide to Prevention at any SDPD Storefront or Satellite Office for more information on recognizing possible drug use.  These guides also suggest steps for parents to take in preventing drug use, intervening if drug use is suspected or discovered, and helping the SDPD deal with drug activities in the community.  As they emphasize, the role of parents in prevention and intervention is critical in suppressing drug abuse.  Additional information can be obtained on the Internet website of the Partnership for a Drug-Free America at www.drugfree.org

Alcohol

Drinking is an adult privilege. It is illegal in California for anyone under 21 to drink or buy alcoholic beverages. While the majority of teens to not drink, most are faced with the opportunity and many fail to resist peer pressure to drink. Parents need to teach their children about the effects, dangers, and possible consequences of drinking, and should try to discourage it altogether. Drinking loosens inhibitions and leads to bad judgments that can result in traffic accidents with serious injuries, costly civil litigation, social embarrassment, hefty legal fines, college probation or loss of scholarships, unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, and various criminal acts.

Parents are the single most important influence on children’s decision whether or not to drink. If you drink you should:

• Drink in moderation.
• Forbid underage drinking at home, even on special occasions.
• Keep track of any alcoholic beverages kept at home.
• Have non-alcoholic available at home.
• Never drive after drinking.
• Teach you children that it is not necessary to drink to have a good time.

Parents should always talk openly with their children about alcohol use and abuse. When they go out you should always ask the following six “W” questions: Where are you going? Why are you going there? Who are you going to be with? What are you going to do? Will there be alcoholic beverages? When will you be home? And when they return you should discuss how they handled the situation if any underage drinking was involved and how they should handle it in the future. If you think your child has or may be developing an alcohol problem you can call San Diego Youth and Community Services Teen Recovery Center at (619) 325-4696 for information and help.

Graffiti Vandalism

Parents and guardians need to discuss with their children the importance of respect for property and the effects graffiti has on the victim, vandal, and the vandal's family.  The City's Municipal Code now makes parents and guardians civilly liable for up to $25,000 of property damage caused by their minor children.  They must also reimburse the city for any reward that is paid for information leading to the arrest and conviction of their minor child for graffiti crimes.  Furthermore, the State Penal Code makes a parent
liable for any fine that his or her minor child is unable to pay.  The amount of the fines depends on the amount of the damage; the maximum fine is $50,000.  Thus, parents have a strong incentive to make sure their children are not graffiti taggers.  The signs of a graffiti tagger include: tags on clothes or other personal possessions; use of tagger jargon; frequent use of baggy jackets and small backpacks that can hide spray cans; paint or dye on hands and under fingernails; and used graffiti devices.  If you think that your child might be involved with graffiti, call the Graffiti Control Hotline at (619) 525-8522 for further information and organizations to call for assistance. 

Curfew Violations

Parents should know the activities and whereabouts of their minor children (under 18 years old) and make sure that they are home during curfew hours, which is the period from 10:00 p.m. any evening of the week until 6:00 a.m. the following day.  Minors can be cited for curfew violations under Sec. 58.0102 of the San Diego Municipal Code, which includes nine defenses to prosecution.  Moreover, parents and guardians can be cited if they permit a minor under their care and custody to violate the curfew.  The City Code was amended in June 1997 because the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the prior 1947 ordinance was unconstitutionally vague and did not include exceptions to allow minors to engage in constitutionally protected activities or parents to exercise discretion in raising their children.    

Parents should be aware that the evening curfew in the City is an hour earlier than the one in the County. It is also an hour earlier than the time a child with a provisional driver license under the age of 18 cannot drive without a licensed parent, guardian or other adult 25 years of age or older.

Daytime Loitering and Truancy

Parents must also make sure that their children are attending school during school hours.  It is now unlawful for any juvenile who is subject to compulsory education to loiter in any public or unsupervised place, or on the premises of any establishment between the hours of 8:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. on any day when school is in session for the juvenile.  It is also unlawful for the parent of any juvenile to knowingly permit or by insufficient control to allow the juvenile to violate this daytime loitering and truancy law.  Parents will be warned the first time the juvenile is cited.  Parents may be cited for an infraction if the juvenile is cited a second time, and a misdemeanor if the juvenile is cited a third time.   

Unsafe Driving

 In statistics published by the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control (NCIPC), traffic accidents were the leading cause of unintentional death of young people from 15 to 24 years old in the United States in 2005.  Because driving involves great risks of personal injury and property damage to children and others, parents need to do the following:

• Teach their children to drive safely and stress defensive driving.
• Make sure that their children stay out of cars that others might drive in an unsafe manner.
• Set good examples by following all traffic laws and safety rules.
• Set conditions and rules for using family cars.
• Stress that driving and drinking don't mix.
• Teach vehicle mechanics and what to do in case of an accident or emergency.   

Parents cannot rely on high school or private driver education for this.  Driver education focuses on driving skill.  Bad attitudes and dangerous behavior, which lead to many vehicle crashes, remain for parents to handle. Another reason for parents to be concerned about their children's driving is that parents are legally responsible for any injuries and damage that their minor children might cause while driving.  Information about driving and traffic safety can be obtained by calling the SDPD Traffic Division's Traffic Safety Office at (858) 495-7822 or (858) 495-7882.  This Office also has a program to help parents properly install child-safety seats.  Free seat inspections and installation lessons are available by appointment at the Traffic Division the first and third Tuesdays of each month.

Gun Violence

 Gun violence has become a major health issue. In 2005 firearms were the leading cause of homicides and suicides of young people 15 to 24 years old in the United States. Parents need to teach their children that: (1) guns don't solve problems; (2) guns can kill or cause lifelong disabilities; and (3) there are enormous differences between real life and the fantasy world of television and all of its violence. Furthermore, parents need to exercise complete control over any guns in their home. Those who have guns should keep them unloaded, uncocked, and stored in a securely locked container. The Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence suggests that gun owners adhere to the following additional guidelines:

• Store your gun and its ammunition in separate locations known only to you.
• Store your ammunition is a locked container away from heat and moisture. Never throw it out in the trash.
• Child-proof your revolver by placing a sturdy and tamper-resistant child-safety lock on the trigger or on the firing mechanism.
• Child-proof your semi-automatic handgun by removing the magazine, disassembling the frame from the slide and magazine or securing it with a child-safety lock.
• Never leave the keys to your child-safety locks or gun and ammunition storage containers where they are accessible to others. And make sure the keys cannot be duplicated.

Parents can get help from a Juvenile Service Team officer at their local SDPD Area Station regarding signs that their children might be involved with guns, where to look for guns that children might hide at home, and what discipline measures would be appropriate. Any guns that are found should be turned in at any SDPD facility listed in the table on the last page. Answers to questions about gun safety can be obtained by calling the SDPD Pistol Range at (619) 527-6070.

Information on effective strategies for preventing violence against youth can be obtained at www.preventviolence.org. This site also contains facts and data, and up-to-date information on violence prevention activities in California. At the national level the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center’s website at www.safeyouth.org contains information on hot topics, prevention and intervention programs, publications, and research and data on violence committed by and against children and teens.

Shoplifting

Shoplifting is not a game or sport.  It is theft!  It has serious consequences for both the child and the parent or guardian.  If the value of the merchandise taken is less than or equal to $400, the crime is petty theft.  The first time it is punishable as a misdemeanor with a fine of at least $50 but not more than $1000, or imprisonment in the country jail not exceeding six months, or both.  The second time it is punishable as a felony with imprisonment in the country jail or the state prison not exceeding one year.  If the value of the merchandise taken is more than $400, the crime is grand theft, which is punishable as a felony the first time.  Judges can order parents or guardians to pay these fines for their minor children.

For petty thefts by an un-emancipated minor, California Penal Code Sec. 490.5(b) makes parents or legal guardians liable to the merchant for civil damages of not less than $50 nor more than $500, plus costs.  In addition, parents or guardians are liable for the full retail value of the things taken if they are not recovered in a merchantable condition.  Total damages are limited to $500 for each action brought under this section.

Signs that your child might be shoplifting include: wearing new clothes or jewelry, or possessing items that you know he or she does not have money to buy; finding tags or package wrapping hidden in the trash; wearing baggy clothes or jackets when it is warm; and leaving the house with an empty backpack or large purse.  Some of the things a parent or guardian can do to prevent shoplifting include the following: teaching that shoplifting is theft and that it is wrong to steal; telling your child that being in the company of a shoplifter is as bad as stealing, and that all persons involved can be punished; encouraging your child to choose friends carefully; knowing your children's friends; keeping your child busy to minimize unsupervised free time; and perhaps as a last resort, enrolling your child in a shoplifting prevention class.  You can get information on this and other classes, workshops, and programs for juveniles and parents by calling the Corrective Behavior Institute at (619) 528-9001.        

Internet and Cell Phone Dangers

Although the vast majority of on-line services and Internet material is legitimate and benign, there have been numerous incidents of children receiving pornographic material, providing personal information under the pretext of possibly winning a prize, or sending money for promised benefits or products. Warning signs of these dangers include: excessive late-night computer use; secretive behavior about computer associates; password-protected bios, files, or logical drives; and hidden files or directories. 

The following are some things parents or guardians can do to minimize these dangers:

• Set reasonable guidelines for Internet and cell phone use. Prohibiting Internet use is not a good idea because it is too easy for children to establish accounts at a friend’s house or many other places.
  
• Keep the computer in the family room, not in a bedroom. Children should not have separate log-ons. But be aware that children can access the Internet away from home.
• Talk to your children about their Internet use. Encourage them to come to you with any problems they encounter online. Make sure they understand the importance of passwords and privacy protection, and not to share passwords or log-on names with anyone else.
• Never allow your child to go alone to meet someone they have "talked" to online unless they actually know the person. Tell your child that people online are not necessarily who they might seem to be. Use filtering software to scan for offensive words and phrases in chat rooms and then end the conversations by signing off.
• Have your children promise not to turn off any programs you might install to monitor their computer use.
• Understand how online services work.
• Check the computer’s cache and history to see what websites have been accessed.
• Ask your children for their passwords and log-on names, and to share their blogs and online profiles with you. Be aware that they can have multiple accounts on multiple services. Search for you children’s identifying information and monitor their screen name(s) and websites for inappropriate content.
• Prohibit your children from downloading any games, movies, programs, etc., trying to win free things, or buying things without your permission.

Children who use sites like MySpace, Friendstar, Facebook, Xanga, and LiveJournal should be warned about online predators and harassers. They should be taught to do the following to prevent and deal with any problems that might arise:

• Never to give out their name, address, phone number, or any other personal information that can identify them. Avoid posting anything that would enable a stranger to find them. Members’ profiles become public information. And never say they are home alone.
• Don’t post anything that you wouldn’t want the world to know, especially anything that might embarrass you later. What’s uploaded can be downloaded and passed around or posted online forever.
• Never send out any pictures of themselves, their families, or their friends.
• Be careful about adding strangers to your friends list. People aren’t always who they say they are.
• Report harassment, hate speech, and inappropriate content to you.
• Check comments regularly. Ignore and don’t respond to any that are mean or embarrassing. Just log off if the harassment bothers you.
• Avoid misleading people into thinking you are older or younger than you are.
• Don’t talk about sex with strangers.
• Block people from sending you messages or e-mail, or delete them from your “buddy list” if they harass you.
• Change your password if someone hacks into your profile. Change you username and e-mail address if someone repeatedly bothers you.
• Contact the company that runs the site to have any profile of you deleted if it was created without your knowledge.
• Talk to someone you trust if you are upset about what is being said about you. If you are scared or threatened contact a Juvenile Service Team office at your nearest SDPD area station and inform your Internet Service Provider.
• Report any attempted sexual exploitation on the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) Cyber Tipline at www.ncmec.org. This line is Congressionally mandated and your information will be forwarded to the appropriate law enforcement agency for investigation. Or call NCMEC’s 24/7 hotline at (800) 843-5678.

Additional information on Internet dangers to children and how to keep children safe online is available on numerous websites. These include the following:

• San Diego Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force at www.sdicac.org
• National Cyber Security Alliance at www.staysafeonline.com
• San Diego County District Attorney at www.sdcda.org. See the Protecting Children Online page under Protecting the Community.
• GetNetWise at www.GetNetWise.org
• Federal Bureau of Investigation at www.fbi.gov. See A Parents Guide to Internet Safety under Cyber Issues on the Reports and Publications page.
• NCMEC at www.ncmec.org. See resources for parents and guardians.

Juvenile Victimization

Although the overall crime rate is decreasing, juvenile-on-juvenile crime is increasing.  Young people are about three times more likely to be victims of violent crimes than adults.  Outside of the home, they are most likely to be victimized at the end of the school day.  Some safety principles your child should know include the following: develop conflict resolution skills, avoid deserted locations, avoid threatening persons, travel with a friend(s), always let someone know where you are going, walk confidently and be assertive, meet stares eye-to-eye, never appear vulnerable or weak, be familiar with places to go for help.  School police can often provide assistance in dealing with this problem.   

Students, teachers, and parents can call Crime Stoppers at (888) 580-8477 to provide anonymous tips about safety concerns and potential problems at their schools.  And students in the San Diego Unified School District can receive cash rewards of up to $1000 for tips or information that solve or prevent campus violence or vandalism to school property.  However, actual school emergencies should still be reported by calling 911.

Media Violence

Media violence is also a health hazard for children.  It has been estimated that young people have seen over 200,000 acts of violence by the time they graduate from high school.  This exposure may result in aggressive attitudes and behavior, and insensitivity to violence.  The following 10 tips from the Minnesota Medical Association are designed to help deal with this problem: (1) set clear limits on TV viewing and video game playing, (2) don't use the TV as a babysitter, (3) don't make TV the focal point of family activities in the home, (4) offer other enjoyable activities at home, (5) select what your children watch, (6) ban unacceptable programs, (7) identify high-quality programs, (8) know what your children are watching, (9) discuss media violence, and (10) have a voice in local TV programming. 

Child Abduction

The number of children reported missing each year is staggering.  The following precautions will help protect your child from abduction:

• Never leave your child alone in a vehicle, restroom, store, playground, or other public place. Accompany younger children to restrooms.
  
• Walk your child to and from school, and point out dangerous spots and safe places to go for help.
• Have your child walk or bike to and from school with a friend. There is safety in numbers.
• Don’t put your children’s names on the outside of their clothes. Children may respond more readily to a stranger who calls them by name.
• If your child takes a bus to and from school, have your child stay with a group while waiting for the bus.
• Make sure that the school will not release your child to anyone but yourself or a person previously designated by you, and that the school will call you back to verify any call saying that some person will come to pick up him or her.

And make sure you teach your child the following:

• Never to leave school with anyone they don’t know.
• Turn around and run to the nearest safe place if a person appears to be following them on foot, or a vehicle slows or stops by them.
• Not to hitchhike or accept a ride from anyone unless you have told them it is OK in each instance. Tell them to say NO and run away to a safe place if offered a ride by a stranger. If avoidance is not possible tell them to make a big scene by screaming, yelling, kicking, and resisting.
• The difference between a stranger who may be a danger and one who may be helpful. The simple “stranger-danger” message is inappropriate because the danger to children is much greater from someone who is not a stranger.
• Stay away from any adult who asks for help, e.g., “Can you help me find my dog?” or asks for directions (an adult should ask another adult, not a child for help), or tries to get you to go somewhere with them, e.g., “Your mom’s hurt and she told me to come get you.”
• Keep all doors and windows locked when at home alone. And not to open the door to a stranger or let an uninvited neighbor or acquaintance into your home.
• Not to tell a caller that you are not at home. Have your child say you cannot come to the phone, ask the caller to leave a message, and say you will call back.

For additional information on how to prevent child abduction and what to do if it happens go to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) website at www.ncmec.org and look at the resources for parents and guardians.

Multiple Problems

Several organizations offer programs that can help children with multiple problems.  One is the YMCA Youth and Family Services offers classes, workshops, and counseling on many subjects.  Parents should call (619) 543-9850 for details.

The California National Guard has several youth programs for different age groups and areas of the state. One is a statewide residential program conducted at the Grizzly Youth Academy at Camp San Luis Obispo.  It is called the Youth ChalleNGe Program and is for 16 to 18 year-olds who are high school dropouts or at risk of dropping out.  For further information call (800) 926-0643.

Parental Liability

In addition to the liabilities mentioned above, parents or guardians are legally liable in various ways for the acts of their children.  These are additional reasons for parents to deal with their child's behavior before it results in criminal acts. 

• Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor.  Parents or legal guardians who fail in their legal duty to exercise reasonable care, supervision, protection, and control over their minor children can be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, a misdemeanor punishable by one year in jail and/or a  $2,500 fine per count.  In October 1995 the City Attorney started a new Parenting Project to help correct this situation.  It gives parents of first-time juvenile offenders a choice -- participate in a parenting education program or face criminal prosecution.
• Liability for Restitution, Fines, and Penalties.  Starting on January 1, 1996 the California Welfare and Institutions Code will allow judges to order parents or guardians to pay up to $25,000 to cover losses suffered by the victims of crimes committed by their minor children, and other fines and penalties that may be assessed against the minor.  Furthermore, the future earning power of the parent, guardian, and minor can be considered in setting these liabilities.
• Liability for Civil Damages.  Under the California Civil Code parents or guardians are liable for civil damages of up to $25,000 for any act of willful misconduct of a minor in their custody and control that results in injury or death to another person or in any injury to the property of another.
• Civil Liability for Injury Caused by Firearms.  The California Civil Code makes parents or guardians liable for injuries caused by the discharge of a firearm by a minor in their custody and control, where the minor was permitted to have the firearm or the firearm was left in a place accessible to the minor.  Damages are limited to $30,000 for injury to or death of one person, or $60,000 for all persons in a single occurrence.    

Restitution

One way for parents or guardians to avoid liability for the acts of their minor children in civil lawsuits is to work out an agreement for repayment of the victim’s losses.  This can be done by mediators who assist the victim and the youth in talking about the incident and its consequences, get the youth to take responsibility for his/her actions, and draft a realistic restitution agreement.